Tuesday, May 15, 2012

L...G...B...T......#$@%!

Screw it! One label>>>HUMAN



Anyone that knows me knows that I am a HUGE advocate for Gay and Lesbian rights. Out of my circle of fabulous friends (more like family at times) a good majority of them are either gay or lesbian. I cherish them dearly. I have never meant a group of people so enjoyable, accepting, and caring. When I am down, they are there with encouraging words of empowerment to keep me motivated. And for that I am thankful.

I am fortunate to have grown up in a household where my parents, grandparents, and other close relatives made me and my sisters aware of different cultures and sub cultures.  Our parents never came out and told us what gay actually meant, but with the exposure we were able to make a sound decision on what the term meant. We were never told to stay away from "the gays" or that "being gay was nasty or abnormal", we were taught that just like us they were human to and to treat others with respect regardless of how they choose to live their life.  And that is exactly what we did, and still do to this day.

Over the years, an attack on the human race has been waging in our country and now it has hit my home state of North Carolina. Why? Because of fear and the inability of others to tend to their own business. On May 8, 2012, Amendment One (which adds the ban of same sex marriage to the state constitution and limits non married heterosexual couples rights) was approved by a 68%-32% vote.
What does this mean? Well North Carolina already had a ban on same sex marriages, but now since it is placed in the states constitution it will make it almost impossible to have it removed. On top of that, couples of the opposite sex will have to commit and get married in order to share benefits, including life insurance, and child custody if one of the parents were to pass away.  May supporters of Amendment One says that Amendment One safeguards the sanction of marriage and the teaching of the Bible. That's where I have an issue.

I believe in the Bible, (although I am not a devoted Christian nor have I ever claim to be) but I also believe in separation of church and state. This was a political issue not a "Church issue".  But since we are talking about what the Bible says, lets look closely North Carolinians.

We sure do love our crabs and shrimp don't we?

Leviticus 11:10 reads, "But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming of life of the water and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you."

Lets not forget all of those tattoo parlors around here...

Leviticus 19:28 reads, "You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord."

When will we ever realize that we are all human and that we all aren't perfect in the eyes of the Lord? With everything we say we will not do, or is not acceptable to do, we find something that is not acceptable to do, but we do it anyways. i cant tell you how many Church goers I saw in line at the local Scotchman's when the lottery was up to 350 million. But I guess that was okay tho.

So the next time you sit around a table of steaming boiled shrimp and crabs after Sunday service, or you are looking through the portfolio of the a tattoo artist searching for you next piece of ink, just remember there is a gay or lesbian couple out there that just wanted the chance to love. That tattoo of a cross on your chest or wrist makes you just as much of a Christian as watching Will & Grace makes a person gay.

Until next time Sweeties!

References
http://www.11points.com/books/11_things_the_bible_bans,_but_you_do_anyway
Local news Channels WECT-6, WWAY-3






Monday, May 14, 2012

Fruitless: Infertility in African American Women



A couple of years ago, a close girlfriend of mine and myself had a long conversation about children.  My stance was about how my life has changed since I had children, and her's was on the fact that she, in her mid 20's and married, couldn't produce a child with her husband. She had spoke of wanting kids before, but with a recent trip to the clinic, she was told that the likely hood of her having children were slim. She was told that she was infertile.  She was devastated, and her dreams of becoming a mother was stripped from her.

Contrary to the belief that black women are extremely fertile, 11% of all African American women are unable to reproduce. In respect to the Latino and Caucasians races, African American women place the highest in infertility rates per 1000 women (Latino-7%, Caucasian-6.4%). In most cases, these women never look into the reason leading to their inability to bear children. Most are unaware of this growing epidemic because of how infertility is portrayed on television as having closer ties to the Caucasian community.

The fact that the African American population leads in diagnosed cases of infertility should not come as a shock. African Americans are forerunners when it comes to health related issues.  From heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and obesity, African American women dominate over our male counterparts when it comes to percentage of diagnosed when examined by gender. Could these be the reason behind the infertility issues that are increasing at an alarming rate?

Many doctors believe that all of those health problems stem from one. Obesity, which is higher among African Americans, lead to heart disease, diabetes and high blood pressure.  High blood pressure has be directly linked to the development of uterine fibrosis. Uterine fibroids (noncancerous tumors that develop in the womb [uterus], a female reproductive organ.) can lead to uterine bleeding, incontinence and sometimes pain. Very often women with uterine fibroids do not exhibit any symptoms at all. This is why the issue is not addressed during a time when preventive measures could have been taken. Surgery is often used to remove fibroid tumors. Not all cases of infertility is caused by uterine fibroids. Poor ovulation cycles  account for 6% of all infertility cases among African American women.

Infertility is not a life time sentence.  There are many different ways to achieve a health pregnancy, but for many, especially African American women, the price tag of these treatments make their dream of being mothers even more distant. Surgery is often used to remove fibroid tumors.  Some health insurance policies covers the procedure, but for those without coverage surgery can cost in the upward range of $4000-$10000 and is very effective in terms of fertility after the removal of the tumors. Fertility drugs like clomiphene can cost anywhere from $50 a month, not including the cost of doctors, ultrasounds or follow up procedures. Gonadotropins, which is a hormone injection to increase eggs per ovulation can cost anywhere from $2000 to $5000 a month. And to make matters even worst, neither one of these drugs guarantee a child after treatment.

Being a mother is one of the most rewarding things that can ever happen to a woman.
If you are or if you believe that you are unable to produce a child there is help for you. Visit to your local Health Department and a health professional will point you in the direction of affordable treatment options that fit your needs. As I stated before, infertility is not a life sentence. Inform yourself on the different types of treatments, get a diagnoses, and keep your faith high!

Until next time my Urban Sweeties!

References:
http://www.marketwatch.com/story/african-american-women-and-infertility-an-unmet-need-2012-04-02
http://www.shadygrovefertility.com/podcast/black-women-and-infertility

Urban Eye Scream at OneTrueMedia.com

Weekly Video Blogs coming soon!!!

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Who said you weren't worthy?

Defining your worth



Very often we fall victim to taking what is handed to us and not considering if we deserve more.  In most cases we often believe that some is better than nothing, when in fact the some that we receive is only a fraction of what we are entitled to. We have been taught the take-and-give role so well that we have forgotten to examine if what we are taking is equal to or less than what it is that we are  giving in return. Our rate of exchange has been undervalued.

Knowing your self worth is not the same as knowing the cash value of yourself, but instead it is knowing exactly what you will and will not accept.  This is important for many reasons.  Many times we sell ourselves short by not knowing what it is that we deserve.  Take relationships for example.  Many times we settle for bad...excuse me, incompatible mates, (because there is no such thing as a bad mate, just bad matches) and just learn to roll with it.  He/she may treat you badly, verbally or physically abuse you, and may not care about your well being or your happiness.  Later down then road, after the disastrous relationship has ended, you now find yourself wanting a "good man''or a ''good woman''. But from your previous relationship track record of dealing and accepting what is handed to you for so long, your idea of what a "good man" or a "good woman" is a misconception. For you, anyone that is treating you slightly better than how you were treated before is considered good enough in your eyes. Maybe the new significant other doesn't hit you as often, or maybe they don't call you out your name as often as the one before them did. Before you know it, because you were unaware of your self worth, a cycle is now created, and it will take enormous amounts of time to make you realize that you are worth so much more than what you receive.

I exercise my self worth all of the time.  My friends think I'm picky or stuck up.  I like to say I'm very selective.  I have turned down jobs, mates, business offers, and other things because of my self value.   Crazy you say?  No. Selective. I could have taken every offer that has came my way, but would those offers have satisfied me or block me from receiving better, more intriguing offers?
Lets not get it twisted though...I don't walk around with my nose in the air or anything like that.  I always listen to the offers that are being made available to me, and I am always grateful for any opportunity that is offered to me. Being courteous and respectable always keeps the door open for new opportunities.

So what are the steps to knowing your self worth? Here are 6 easy tips:

1. Analyze your self:  Take time to get to know you and what it is that you want.  No ones knows you like you do!

2.Let your self know that you do matter:  If you have to tell yourself every waking moment that you do matter, do it. If you don't believe it no one else will.

3.Learn to trust you:  You have a built in mechanism that tells you when something is right or wrong. Learn to listen and trust your inner you.

4.Don't let the wants of others shake or mold your self worth: To hell with what they want or how they feel! Don't let anyone use themselves to force you to make a choice that you don't want to make.They will get over it, and so will you.

5. Make it know that your time is valuable: Don't let others use up too much of your time that you could be using taking care of numero uno (YOU!!!)

6.  Follow through:  a plan is only good if you stick to it!

Sometimes it can take years for a person to know their self worth.  Putting aside bad habits of accepting unsatisfactory offers is a hard one to break out of.  But it is certainly something that is never to late to start in order to built the you that not only others will respect, appreciate, and look up to, but someone you can look in the mirror everyday and know that you deserve the absolute best.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Shoes, Shoes, SHOES!!!

You cant bring sexy back if you never lost it!


I love fashion! I mean I love all aspects of fashion; jewelry, shoes, clothing, makeup, hair....anything that deals with enhancing our natural beauty.  Today's focus>>>>>SHOES!

This shoe right here!!!
Total sho-stoppa!
$34.00 
urbanog.com



The Hulk ain't got nothing on this!
Originally $27.90
on sale $19.70
urbanog.com
Aztec is in this year...
so don't be left out
$80.00
bakersshoes.com
Are any words really needed?
$59.99
bakersshoes.com








  
Makem' gasp!
Pink with studs
$57.50
urbanog.com
 Make sure you hit up the websites to check out their awsome selection of shoes!!

Mothers Today

Single Moms & The Struggles Leading to Transfer of Custody


Happy Mothers Day to all of the women in the world that has or still is caring of children.  This goes for all of the Aunties, Grandmas', Step-Moms, Foster Moms, and any other motherly figure I may have forgotten.  Enjoy your day cause you have deserved it!

Almost 4 years ago, my husband and I gained the custody of his twin boys.  It was very unexpected.  We found out that they were in foster care through a letter from the local Department of Social Services that was delivered on a Saturday.  Prior to that, my husband had heard anything or even seen his boys in over 4 years. This was not because he didn't want to be an active father to his kids, but because the mother of his children was refusing him the right to see them, or even know the physical location of his sons, despite the fact that he was paying almost $700.00 a month in child support.

To make a long story short, we were assigned a lawyer, went to court, heard the evidence, and was granted full custody of the boys.  The details of the trial were shattering to say the least, but the judge made it very clear that the boys were better off with their father.  Their Mom was given visitation rights during the hearing, and was instructed on the conditions of her visitation. All was well with the world.....or so I thought.

Visitations were inconsistent, phone calls were inconsistent, and her paying child support was non-existent. Weeks, months would pass without even a phone call to say hi, or to reassure her kids that she was still alive.  It was like a revolving door; one week she would call everyday, the next 3-4 months, nothing.

The thing is, while all of this was going on, I was noticing that this situation that my husband and I was going through was happening more frequently in urban households.  More single, young mothers were starting to give up on raising their children. Was the stress of having to raise the kids on their own to much to handle?  Was the fact that they were unable to enjoy their younger years because of early motherhood now causing them to back track and make up for lost time? Both of these explanations seem realistic, but were they really the cause to this epidemic taking over our urban communities?

I believe it is a combination of issues that lead to this breakdown between mothers and their children. First, the relationships in which these children are produced in may be based on promises that both parties know are unrealistic from the the beginning, and they end abruptly causing the mother to do one of two things; hold the children as a pawn to get to the father, or alienate herself and the children from the father to hurt him mentally. Not all single mothers have to raise their kids by themselves.  It is a choice that some, I said some single mothers make on their own without any input from the father of the kids.  It is easy for a woman to say, "He don't want nothing to do with his kids," when the mother doesn't even take the time to involve the father in the kids life. Why do some, I said some, single mothers do this? Because they are hurt. Hurt over the fact that the father of the kids broke a promise.  The promise of being together for ever or being a family.  This hurt runs deep for many single mothers. And for some, (I said some) just to look at the children they had with someone that they once loved only adds to the pain.  It is that constant reminders that their heart was broken.

I'm not going to lie, I was and still am upset with how my Step-sons are treated by their biological mother.  It took some time for me to really understand why this was happening, and why a mother would carry a child for 9 months, raise them for a couple of years, and then turn their back on them. So, with all this being said, single, young, urban mothers, don't give up.  I know how hard the road is cause I've been down it before.  But in order to end the cycle, you are going to have to cope with reality and learn how to slowly move on.  Their are so many different resources you can use if you feel like you need help (DSS, Local Health Department, parenting groups, support groups).  Do it for you. Do it for your kids.

Enjoy your Mothers Day!!


   

Friday, May 11, 2012

Can we really handle the truth??


Everyone of us has said it.
"Tell me the truth. I can handle it."


But is the truth really what we want to hear?  I have come to the hurtful realization that the truth, even when we are told the truth, is not what we want to hear.  Why you ask? Well to be honest...can I be honest with you? To be quite frank, the truth is not always appealing to our egos or our drama structured lifestyles.  If we could all accept the truth for what it really truly is, there would be no need for lies (for us to tell them, or for people to tell them to us).

How many times have you been asked to tell someone the honest truth without being held under oath?  Now think; did you tell that person the exact, uncut, X rated truth, or did you tell them what you thought they wanted to hear?

I must admit, I have done this time after time.  Why?  Because of my regard of other people feelings that's why. If I was to tell every person the truth, raw and uncut, when they told me they wanted to hear it, who would honestly want to talk to me? The truth can be a nasty, low down, dirty dog.  But with a little bit of soap and water, it does make it look quite appealing.

So, am I saying that you should always seek the truth? Well, if you think you can handle it, go right ahead.  But be careful about what you ask for.

Hi to all my Urban sweeties!

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